I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
