i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I checked into jail on foursquare
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
She made me pour olive oil on her.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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