I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
