Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
