He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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