Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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