I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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