He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
