Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
