I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I would fuck him just for his dog
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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