I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
