One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
