He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
