This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
i out mim tonsoeep
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