So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
