Soap is not a condiment
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
