went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
