The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
