We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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