They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
