Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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