Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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