I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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