Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
