So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
