So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
