Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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