Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize