Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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