So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
