you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
