happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
