I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
