hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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