I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
