"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Can I color on your dick again?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize