Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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