Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
