It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
