Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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