my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
