Don't you send me to vm
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
