whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We left the knife in your bed.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
