Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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