I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Randomize