We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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