If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
bring money and cleavage
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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