I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
