You made me cry and you don't even care
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
