SEEEEXXX PLEASE
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
