I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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