Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
