How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
