your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
