so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
