I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize