These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
