is your mom at the bar?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize
