The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize