My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
