he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
