I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
