Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
