I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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