Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
