sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
