I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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