You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
