Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize