Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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