He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
