My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
