I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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