It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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