if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
