I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize