she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
