Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
