remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
