Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
