Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
