Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
