Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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