No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
