Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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