you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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