I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
