I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize