im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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