He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
