Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
