I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
